Food Allergies

Who who have thought that I am allergic to coconut? How can I possibly survive in this world since almost everything has coconut in it? Soap, shampoo, toothpaste, fried foods...ah.

I am allergic to wheat, pork, squash, and seafoods among others, too. With these food limitations, sometimes I think that won't die of allergies but of hunger.

Food, oh food, I miss the days when I can freely eat you. :(

Project report. What to do to recharge a drained brain?

God, please give me the drive to give my best in everything I do...to honor You. Amen.

not unwelcomed but unexpected 110111

i thought i can have the house all for myself
until the end of the week.
uh, distraction.

i don't want to be a baby sitter,
i want my carefree life.
i don't want to think about anyone else...
but then, isn't life here on earth about
caring for others??

i still have to grow heights.

but my head aches thinking about being
with someone in this house
when i am still dreaming of being alone.

discomfort. stress. or is this just because of sugar and wheat??

piaya.

I miss you Nang. I miss the time we spent together at mama's house. We used to laugh at so many things. Happiness at that time was so common, so affordable. But what happened now? I feel so all alone. I wish we are together once more. But we are miles and miles and miles and miles and miles apart, chasing our respective dreams.

Funny.

I am tired of chasing contentment in this circle of life. Can I simply cut across the line and run to you? I bet you too are chasing contentment, wishing for that once simple state of life. But then I hope not. I wish you happiness.

Hoping to be reunited with you someday. Love you, Nang. I truly miss you.

Why is it that sometimes... no....most of the time I feel like I want to run away the fastest I can?

What is the meaning of my life? What am I for? Lord, please help me fight this feeling of uncertainly and worthlessness. Please guide me to the place where I should be. I need You now more than ever....

You can only look back in full regrets.

But why look back if all you can see are regrets? March on with life. Today and tomorrow are worth living.

It feels good to feel lost (from the eyes of everyone) in this bloggyworld.

Haaauhhh... I don't know what to do with my life. I have countless of tasks to do but I don't have the drive to do them. All I want is to leave this place -- my current job. Can't find a pinch of joy staying here.

But where do I go from here?

Things to float in my mind:

Shall I get a PhD? Is it worth it?
Shall I transfer to a private firm/industry? where?
Shall I process my paper for migrating to Aus? Do I have the resources?
Shall I go home and find a teaching post in the general science courses? Will it be a good help?
Shall I find a research job in my former univ?
Shall I? Shall I? Shall I?

So many considerations. So many insecurities. So many things that rips me the joy of living.

I need a stronger Hand to carry me. I am hopeless on my own.