I miss you Nang. I miss the time we spent together at mama's house. We used to laugh at so many things. Happiness at that time was so common, so affordable. But what happened now? I feel so all alone. I wish we are together once more. But we are miles and miles and miles and miles and miles apart, chasing our respective dreams.

Funny.

I am tired of chasing contentment in this circle of life. Can I simply cut across the line and run to you? I bet you too are chasing contentment, wishing for that once simple state of life. But then I hope not. I wish you happiness.

Hoping to be reunited with you someday. Love you, Nang. I truly miss you.

Why is it that sometimes... no....most of the time I feel like I want to run away the fastest I can?

What is the meaning of my life? What am I for? Lord, please help me fight this feeling of uncertainly and worthlessness. Please guide me to the place where I should be. I need You now more than ever....

You can only look back in full regrets.

But why look back if all you can see are regrets? March on with life. Today and tomorrow are worth living.

It feels good to feel lost (from the eyes of everyone) in this bloggyworld.

Haaauhhh... I don't know what to do with my life. I have countless of tasks to do but I don't have the drive to do them. All I want is to leave this place -- my current job. Can't find a pinch of joy staying here.

But where do I go from here?

Things to float in my mind:

Shall I get a PhD? Is it worth it?
Shall I transfer to a private firm/industry? where?
Shall I process my paper for migrating to Aus? Do I have the resources?
Shall I go home and find a teaching post in the general science courses? Will it be a good help?
Shall I find a research job in my former univ?
Shall I? Shall I? Shall I?

So many considerations. So many insecurities. So many things that rips me the joy of living.

I need a stronger Hand to carry me. I am hopeless on my own.

I will be silent to ** about it from now on... until my plans come to pass.
Please guide my way, Lord.

I don't want to keep reconstructing my comment for that one particular blog entry. I really wanted to participate but my mind is so lazy in putting up coherence into my thoughts. ahhhh...maybe I'll just focus on the task that I really need to do.

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Can't decide still about what i will do with my life...

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God, please help me put back to my soul the joy of living. Please help me understand and appreciate the essence of my existence.

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Australia, current work, SC near home? Which of these? Shall I strive to find a scholarship support for my PhD? But I don't want to be tied up here in the univ forever. I want to soar free.... The longer I stay here, the more it becomes clear that this place is not my home.

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Where really is my place under the sun? Please tell me if you know.

Tell me how to deal with pain and failure...
Teach me how to turn lemon into lemonade.
Because right now my heart is aching
And my eyes welling.
Teach me to accept defeat
And learn from failures.
Help me to grow and be brave and responsible.
Help me to learn from MY failures.